All research studies that I have ever read state that men cheat more than women in committed relationships. The major flaw with these studies is the assumption that men and women both define cheating in the same manner. Most of the studies are conducted by males or females educated and socialized to recognize male infidelity patterns. Every woman I know including myself have been sexually unfaithful while being in a committed long-term relationship, however none us defined our behavior as "cheating". Until recently, I too believed that men are more likely to cheat and be sexually unfaithful in a monogamous relationship, until I had an epiphany that men and women define cheating differently.
Men are viewed as "cheaters" whenever they engage in romantic or sexual conduct outside of their committed relationship. However, women do not see themselves as cheaters unless the male is doing everything perfectly right to please her. When discussing this revelation with several women they agreed that if a male is slacking in any area of the relationship, it is the man's fault that she is required or being forced to seek emotional, financial and/or sexual satisfaction outside of the committed relationship. Many women do not view their sexual encounters with other men outside of their committed relationship as cheating because her behavior is a direct result or outcome of not being happy in the relationship. One woman stated, "If he is doing everything that he is supposed to be doing in the relationship, I wouldn't have a reason to want to be with other men, whereas no matter how much a woman loves a man... wash his clothes and cook his dinner he will still cheat on her with other women."
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Another reason that women do not view their sexual behavior with other men while in a committed relationship as cheating is because of the negative stigma and social views that society have about women who are sexually promiscuous. Women who engage in sexual relations who are not in a committed relationship are referred to as sluts, whores, tramps, and scanks. The only negative stereotype for men who engage in sex outside of their committed relationship is when people refer them as "dogs." Most women grow up with clichés such as, "all men are dogs or boys will be boys." People in general proudly refer to men who cheat as Casanovas, pimps, players, and studs as it is celebrated in the mainstream media and culture." Society's double standard for appropriate and inappropriate sexual behavior for men and women actually promote male infidelity and denigrate women who are not sexually loyal in a monogamous relationship.
A third reason that women do not define their own infidelity as cheating is because typically when women engage in a sexual relationship with a man outside of her committed relationship she view this as psychologically and emotionally ending the relationship with her committed partner. Women typically view cheating as leading a double life, for example, a man who keeps a mistress or sleeps with various women but has no intentions on leaving his relationship with his wife or girlfriend. Many women feel that literally saying or physically ending the relationship is a minor technicality because she no longer feels emotionally connected to the committed relationship, thus she is not cheating.
From a psychological standpoint, women must rationalize and justify their sexual encounters outside of their committed relationship as a means to maintain their ego, self-esteem and status as a "good girl." This is a psychological game that women play with each other as well as men. Women refer to attractive or scantily clad women as fluzzies or sluts. They use these derogatory terms as weapons to control other women's level sexual fidelity. Men also buy into the belief that women are less likely to cheat in a relationship because from an evolutionary standpoint, it is psychologically difficult for men to contemplate that their children may not genetically be their own. Additionally, it is psychologically and economically beneficial for men to buy into the belief that women are more sexually faithful than men because women are conditioned to perceive themselves as victims and martyrs who must work to stabilize and maintain the relationship to prevent men from cheating.
If men and women were perceived as equally as likely to be sexually unfaithful in a committed relationship, this would mean that men would have to work as hard as women to maintain a healthy loving relationship. Men would begin to feel insecure about their physical appearance and the behavior of other men who constantly cheat on women. Men would chastise other men for cheating in fear that the woman that he could be cheating with could just as easily be his own wife. Men feel that women are the gatekeepers of fidelity, thus psychologically freeing themselves to pursue sexual affairs outside of the committed relationship.
Herewith listed are the top justifications women give for seeking sex outside of their committed relationship.
1. He fails to provide adequate financial resources for the home.
2. He is emotionally unavailable. Doesn't talk much or fail to communicate.
3. He is unaffectionate.
4. Sex with him is robotic or not satisfying.
5. He is rarely home.
6. He doesn't compliment her, yet other men are always telling her how beautiful she is.
7. He has an alcohol or substance abuse problem.
8. She believes that he is cheating.
9. He doesn't support her dreams or goals.
10. He doesn't like to socialize.
11. He is addicted to gambling.
12. He is physically abusive.
In summary women do not view themselves as cheaters in a monogamous relationship for three primary reasons: First, if she is not happy in the relationship for any reason it is the male's fault, therefore she is justified in seeking intimacy from another man; secondly, society look down upon women who are sexually promiscuous therefore she must project her behavior on to other women to save her psychological image as a 'good girl' and thirdly; women view sexual relations outside of the committed relationship as psychologically ending the relationship before the actual physical separation happens.
The Psychological Reasons Women Cheat More than Men
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